I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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