he told me I talked like a deaf person
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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