At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
