Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
