i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
