I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
