um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
