dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
