Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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