You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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