Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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