I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
