BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
