I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
