You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
