I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
