your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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