she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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