I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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