I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
