am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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