didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
