im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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