At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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