Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
