just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
