I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
MIDGETS
????
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
