We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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