I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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