loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
