I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
