Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
