9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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