That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
