Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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