you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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