Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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