i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
