his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
