Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
