I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
