Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
