It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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