I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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