sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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