if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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