Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
