There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
