dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
