Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
